Finding Home Again

Finding Home Again

 

 

No one ever told me the price of freedom would be my own reflection. It’s a thought that crosses my mind every morning as I stand before the bathroom mirror, feeling empty and lost despite everything I have accomplished. I have a place of my own, a successful career, and a family that cares deeply for me. “Chase freedom,” people had said, “and happiness will follow.” So, I did. But now I find myself questioning if chasing after something I barely understood was worth it in the end.

 

I grew up in a foreign country with my mother and sister. My mother worked hard to provide for us, but despite our humble circumstances, our home was filled with love. Whenever I asked my mom why we had to live like this, she would always respond the same way, “God is kind.” I may not have fully understood her answer at the time, but her love and warmth always managed to make everything feel okay, even on the coldest and hardest of days.

 

As I grew older, I was presented with a full scholarship to a prestigious university. The thought of leaving my family behind and living, perhaps, a better life seemed daunting, but my family encouraged me to pursue this opportunity. They assured me that this was my chance to break free from the cycles that had bound us for so long and to build something better for all of us. And so, I left my loved ones behind and pursued my dreams.

 

During my years at university, my sister became an established author, and my mother returned to her homeland. And while their success brought me joy, it also left me feeling more isolated than ever before. My sister's life had become a balance between two worlds when she got married. She spends half the year where her husband works and the other half with Mom.

 

She calls it “the perks of being a writer.” I once asked her how she managed the constant moving, and how she wasn’t exhausted from never having a place to fully settle. She just smiled and said, “For family, you never get tired. After all, home is with the people you love.”

 

It’s a feeling that continues to weigh me down as I go about my daily routine, and I find myself reaching out to my family whenever I need the comfort of their voices. Whether it’s a late-night call from my mom or a video call from my sister and her husband, these moments allow me to feel just a little bit closer to the people I love.

 

But as much as I long to be with my family once more, the thought of breaking away from everything that I’ve built for myself and them fills me with a sense of fear and anxiety. I've become the provider for my family, and the thought of something happening to them terrifies me. I fear that taking a break would reset everything back to zero, undoing all the hard work and progress that I’ve made.

 

It’s a fear that I voice to my therapist during one of our weekly sessions. But instead of agreeing with me, he tells me to face my fear and trust in my family. I struggle to believe him, feeling that the burden of being the provider for my family rests solely on my shoulders. But my therapist reminds me that this sentiment is self-imposed and that I don't have to bear it alone.

 

I sit there, the weight of his words settling in. “But what if– ”

 

“What if,” he interrupts, “you let yourself go, just this once? What if you drop everything, go to them, and find out? You’ll never know unless you face that fear. Not everything is going to fall apart. And if something does? You’ll handle it, just like you always have. Maybe it’s time to stop running from what you think might happen and start trusting what’s already there—your family. The people who love you.”

 

It’s an idea that resonates with me, and I find myself reaching out to my family once more. During a call, my brother-in-law urges me not to shut them out. He tells me that family should bear their burdens together and that I don't have to do it alone. It’s the same sentiment that my sister voiced to me previously, and I find myself beginning to believe it.

 

And during a video call with my mom and sister, my mom said “My love, we have everything we want and need but everything feels pointless without you. Come home, at least for a little while. Allow us to be your support.” 

 

I fall silent, lost in thought. Her words echo in my mind. I think of my family waiting for me on the other side. They are the reason I work so hard, the lifeline that keeps me afloat.  

 

At that moment, clarity washes over me. They have never been my weakness; my family has always been my greatest strength. I want to be with them. 

 

“Yes!” I shout back, “I’ll be there!” 

 

They exchange bewildered glances. “Did I hear that right?” “Are you sure, son?” they both spoke over each other. 

 

“Yes and yes!” I reply, and their cheers erupt. I feel tears welling up again, they are tears of joy. I will be with my family, and I feel a sense of success wash over me. Even if I stumble, I’ll have my family by my side.

 

In the end, I realize that the pursuit of freedom may have isolating consequences, but family and their love can help break down any barrier. Home is not just a place; it’s a bond that travels with you, no matter where you go. And by embracing that bond, I can face my fears and overcome any challenge that comes my way.

 

As my mom always said, God might be kind after all.

                                           Author- Sumeya Said

                                       Winner of short story category